Spank the Elf

I'm sure most of you know that it's that time of year again for the Elf on the Shelf. This is wonderful for the kids because they get really excited and it makes them behave.  However, it does have its down side.

 

 

Grace goes to school excited that Chippy is back and can't wait to tell all of her friends.  When she gets there she hears all of the other kids talk about the naughty things their elves have been doing while they sleep. 

 

One elf rolled the Christmass tree in toilet paper.

 

 

 

Another elf had a marshmallow fight with other toys.

One elf even made snow angels on the counter with flour.

 

 

After hearing about all of the antics of these other elves, this is what she wants to know:

 

Grace: "Mommy, why doesn't Chippy do the things all of my friends' elves are doing?"

 

Me: "Baby, Chippy didn't do any of those naughty things in the movie. Why would he do them at our house?"

 

Grace (after a bit of thought): "Yeah, but why does he do it at their house and not at ours?"

 

Me: "I think Chippy knows that if he did those things at our house he would get a spanking and he knows we don't act that way."

 

 Grace: "Mmmmm, ok."

 

The next day Grace goes to school and the elves are once again a subject of conversation. After the other kids tell everyone what their elves did, my daughter pipes in with:

 

"Your elf should know better than to do all of those naughty things...he needs a spanking!"

 

Fabulous! Now my child has gone back to school and told all of her friends that the Mother of the Year said their elves need spankings.  So to that I say,

 

"Damn you, all of you Pinterest moms, damn you!"

At least I didn't blow up the church

As some of you may know, my husband's uncle passed away last week. So this weekend, his aunt wanted the family to go to their church. This is a little country, Baptist church with about 30 people in the congregation.  We walk in the door, Grace walks straight up to the first row and sits down. Apparently, she didn't get the memo that we're Episcopalian:
1. We sit in the back.
2. We lay low in the Baptist church, because they frown upon our ways.
3. Tread cautiously as our Whiskopalian butts may just blow up the church when we walk through the front door.

During the singing part of the service, Grace walks her little butt up to the front. After the song is over, she asks the preacher if she can sing a song. At this point, I'm pretty sure an "Oh, shit" slipped out of my mouth. Now I'm looking down silently chanting "Please don't sing Red Solo Cup. Please don't sing Red Solo Cup. They will burn me at the stake if my 4 year old gets up there and sings Red Solo Cup."

Luckily, she sang a song she learned at school. This is one of the few times I am thankful that her school is overly religious.