When a hunter has daughters

This weekend Scott had some things to get done on his deer stands before hunting season starts. We went out to the country, hopped on the four wheelers and headed to the woods. We're riding around putting out corn, checking for signs of deer, etc. As we're driving Aubrey starts talking about hunting.

 

Aubrey: "Daddy, I'm going to hunt this year and I need a gun like you."

Scott: "You are? You want to go deer hunting with me this year?"

Aubrey: "No, I don't want to hunt deer."

Scott: "Well, then what do you want to hunt? Turkey? Duck?"

Aubrey: "No, I want to hunt alligators, sharks and snakes."

Scott: "Really? Is that all?"

Aubrey: "Mmmm. Maybe some lions and tigers, too."

At this point Scott is getting pretty excited that his daughter wants to take on these big, bad animals. I think his chest was puffed out a little bit more than usual.

Our next stop was Scott's new deer stand where he needed to install the windows.  We pull up to his new deer stand and Grace says:

"Daddy, your new deer stand is sooooo pretty. I love the way you decorated it."

Well, at least there's hope for one of them.

Screw Hunger Games, We Have Pooping Games

As any mother knows, there is no such thing as private time. I rarely get a chance to go to the bathroom by myself.  And let's be honest, I'm usually doing it with a child on my lap.

Well last week I was home with Aubrey and I had to go to the bathroom. Aubrey decided she wanted to play a game while I was going to the bathroom. She would open the door and roar and I would shriek like I was scared. Aubrey would then close the door and the game would start over.  She thought this was hysterical and this went on for the duration.

Once I was done, I decided to play a trick on Aubrey. When she closed the door, I got up and hid behind the door. Aubrey opens the door and:

Aubrey: "Rooaaarrrr!......Mommy? Mommy!"

She runs over to the potty and looks in.

Aubrey: "Mommy, did you fall in? Are you in there, Mommy?"

Me: "Boo!!!"

Aubrey: "Mommy, you scared me. I thought you fell in the potty."

I'll just report myself to DHS

Well, it turns out history does repeat itself. When I was little, I was BAD! Imagine that, right? Anyway, one day I was in the grocery store with my mom, being a brat, and she had enough. She spanked me in the store and two little old ladies "Tsk, tsk" my mom for spanking my sweet, adorable, very much needed, ass.  Fast forward 33 years and now I'm the mom.

Last night I pick the girls up from school and took them with me to the grocery store, as usual. Grace started giving me a hard time in the car over a skunk. Yes, a skunk. I had no idea what to call the stuff they sprayed and/or who they spray when threatened. I told her to ask Daddy when we got home and the rest of the way all I heard was I didn't know anything and Daddy knows everything. Even though that got old, I couldn't really argue when it's over a skunk.

In the grocery store, Grace kept this up. She would ask me something I would give her an answer. Then she would tell me I was mistaken and that she was going to ask Daddy when we got home because he would know.

Finally, we're on the last aisle and Grace asks for something. I told her no, she gets out of the car buggy and spanks me on the butt. That was it, I had enough. I caught her by the arm, put my knee up, put her over my knee and spanked her little bottom. Told her to get back in the car and not to say another word.

Then Aubrey chimes in. "Mommy, don't do that to Grace. You scared me."

Before I can even answer the lady behind me pipes in with "Well, that scared me, too. It's not nice to give spankings."

There were a million things flying around my head to say to that lady. The only thing I could come up with that I figured would shut her up and make her butt out was:

"Here, I am happy to let you use my phone if you would like to report me to DHS."

And I got the reaction I was looking for:

     1) from the lady-Total State of Shock

     2) from Grace- not another problem from her for the rest of the night.